The Delay in the Return of Women

The house is now basically fixed.
The leaky pipes no longer drip.
The A/C won't kill you
With dangerous mildew.
Yet solo my milkshake I sip.

The Kindness of Women

One day, when I was wandering the streets of downtown Morioka, Japan, I stopped a stranger and asked him what he believed was the most important thing in life. He paused just long enough to change mental gears from whatever line of thought I had interrupted and replied, "Onna no yasashisa.". The kindness of women. He smiled and laughed warmly, good naturedly. We chatted for a while about his response -- which was fully wholesome -- and then we went on our respective ways.

It is one day shy of three weeks since my wife and daughter flew to a neighboring state to stay with my in-laws while our house is repaired for water damage from a pipe leak. We did not expect the remediation would take nearly this long. Indeed, it is probably yet a week from completion. The past two weekends, I have been too busy at work to get away to see them, but this weekend is clear and so I am at the gate now, waiting to board a flight to see them for the weekend.

Southwest. People are starting to queue.

"From Time to Time it is Necessary that Pestilence, Famine and War Prune the Luxuriant Growth of... uh... Video Game Avatars..."

One more reason not to, um, explore dungeons.

From Wired magazine.

In a bizarre case of art imitating life, players of the Blizzard Entertainment game World of Warcraft suddenly found themselves dying from a mysteriously rampant plague that ravaged their virtual world.

The plague began innocently enough. Blizzard introduced a new dungeon area in the world, intended to give high-level players a bit of a challenge. But when players reached the boss at the end of the dungeon, they got more than they bargained for -- and unknowingly took a little something back to town to share with their friends. The dungeon boss, called Hakkar the Soulflayer, cast a spell called Corrupted Blood. The powerful spell caused about 280 damage points to anyone it hit, and spread to other members of the attacking party as well. Such powerful spell attacks aren't unusual in the World of Warcraft game world. But what happened next was just plain weird.

When infected adventurers returned to town at the end of their quest, they inadvertently passed along the Corrupted Blood infection to those nearby. In short order, the plague ravaged the population. Soon entire cities fell victim to the artificial disease. And while 280 damage points may be easy for a level-58 Night Elf warrior to contend with, it's enough to kill a lower-level player in seconds.

Game administrators were baffled. As they scrambled to quarantine areas of the game world, the disease quickly spread beyond their control. Partially to blame was the game's "hearthstone" feature, which allows players to essentially teleport from one area to another, and which made it possible for the plague to reach the most distant regions of the map in just minutes.

Full story Here.

Am I Only Dreaming

Though my house has a hole in its middle,
The concomitant bill far from little,
As I wander its halls,
That which gives me most pause,
Is the lack of my sweet daughter's giggle.

It Was No Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag, but They Did Have Some Crazy Crap on the Walls

Had Mexican dinner with friends
At a place everyone recommends.
The salsa was hot.
We joked quite a lot.
Perhaps we shall dine there again.

Not If I See You First

My darling wife is a certifiable genius, I am sure, and she likes me, I think, and it always cracks me up when I tell her I will see her later and she says, sweetly, "Not if I see you first," in exactly the same voice and exactly the same expression as if she were saying "yes, and I will gently kiss your face off and feed you a chocolate milkshake."

I think, years ago, she actually misunderstood what the saying meant, the same way, I don't know, the same way I once thought a "few" must mean "two" because they rhymed. Second-grade "still getting your bearings on the planet" stuff. I think she didn't think about it for years. Decades. Then said it to me once, and I laughed, and the ice was broken and we figured everything out.

Now I think she says it because it's cute. Or because she means it. Either way, we get by fine.

It's Been One Week Since You Looked at Me

So, last week at this time I was blogging on my Blackberry from inside an Indian restaurant in the suburbs of Phoenix, belly-aching about how sad my life is because I never applied myself to learning the names of the components of an Indian meal. Sad.

This week I am blogging to you from inside a Spanish restaurant in the suburbs of Phoenix, feeling alive because I am about to eat paella for the first time. Oh, so alive.

Hmm. Pretty tasty.

This place is actually very nice. Not sure Allstate is going to reimburse me for this $22 entree. But several nights during this ozone-induced sabbatical from normality I haven't been hungry, haven't eaten, thus have no receipts to submit to the good hands people. Surely they can splurge with me tonight? Si?

This place is actually quite empty. Monday nights are slow, I'm told. Live music Tuesday through Sunday. Hopping on the weekends.

O.K. Gotta focus on the meal. But before I go, I gotta throw up the quote of the day from Church yesterday. I wasn't going to, but I gotta. I wanted to blog it right as it happened. Tried to be good. I give up. Here goes. Freshly minted R.M.:

"In any other country, Joseph Smith would have been killed."

Good night, folks!

If You Come Back, I Will Buy You a New Hat

So, with my house uninhabitable and my wife and daughter relocated to a safehouse (grandma's house) in a distant city, I am left to my own devices. The first few days were productive, while I was still able to be in the house. I was unpacking boxes, reorganizing closets and burning home movies to DVD like a man possessed. But this morning I woke up to the sound of one of the remediation guys down on the first floor, hollering to see if anyone was in the house. I was. I told him so. He showed me how to turn on the ozone generators and run like mad. So, he left, I packed a suitcase, straightened up a bit, hit the little red buttons and dove for the door, dropping into a brilliant barrell-roll and bursting into the garage. Then to work.

So, now I'll be in a hotel for a few days. I also can't go home to eat. Today all the regular lunch spots in downtown Phoenix were closed. It was an absolute ghosttown. I wandered over to the Wyndham, which was serving lunch... Just to me. Amazingly desolate. Burger nearly killed me.

I workd six or seven hours today, then ducked out and enjoyed the wide-open highway (labor day = no rush hour) drive home. Not at all interested in an evening in a hotel room, I stopped by the movie theater and got a ticket for a 7:30 show. Determined to try some new restaurants in our assigned swath of suburbia, I headed to an Indian restaurant in a strip mall just down the street from us. I had never been there. It is almost across the street from the Cuban place I tried last night.

This brings me to the topic of this entry. If you had asked me, seventeen years ago (whoa - I just blew my mind) when I was seventeen, whether, when I sat down to dinner tonight I would expect myself to know whether the hard, thin appetizer bread was the naan bread or not, and which sauce is which, I would have said "of course". That's the kind of person I thought I was. Engaged. Connected. Mindful. If you would have asked me if I would go months and years in one home and another never really getting the place "done up," not noticing a leak before it damaged drywall, not this, not that, I would not have thought that would be me.

But here I am. I fall about 90% short of my image of myself. The image is changing.

I feel like maybe 17 years ago I sent my mind packing, or my mind decided to jump ship. i

We had such a good thing, I thought. I'm nothing without it.

Who Are You People, Anyway?

My theory is that five people read this blog. Scottomobile and afullzip comment from time to time, so, those two are easy. Mom, I know you check things out here from time to time as well. So that is three. Four is Dad, who I think checks periodically, and gets the highlights from Mom. Five is ldsdfw. I enjoy knowing that you folks watch this space for periodic blasts of micronews.

$5 prize to the first person who knows me and reads this and chimes in to let me know. (You five "regulars", no tipping anyone off.).

$10 prize to the first total stranger who reads this and chimes in. U.S. Funds only, U.S. Mailing addresses only, no psychos and no terrorists. Offer expires in 14 days. "Chime in" by leaving a comment on this post. Then I'll announce that we have a winner and we'll figure out some ingenius way to deliver the prize.